The Dangerous Secret About The Honeymoon Phase and How It Affects You

The Dangerous Secret About The Honeymoon Phase and How It Affects You
The Dangerous Secret About The Honeymoon Phase and How It Affects You

Learn all about this special time, the honeymoon phase, including what it is, the pros and cons, and when it’s over.

Ah,  honeymoon phase, that special time in a new relationship when you and your guy are madly in love with each other, so much.

 so that you hardly recognize that anyone else exists (which can be annoying to those around you). The name refers to that special time right after marriage, the honeymoon, when a couple is madly in love and living in absolute bliss (and having nonstop sex). It’s hard to replicate the honeymoon period, so enjoy it while it lasts. But know this: New relationships change our brain chemistry, for better and worse.

What It Is

Happens at the Beginning of a Relationship or Marriage

The honeymoon phase happens at a relationship’s beginning. All you think about is him, and you are only truly happy when you’re with him. You don’t care about anything else but him. And when the two of you are together, you are constantly in each other’s arms and have sex as much as is humanly possible.

That feeling of being “in love” is the honeymoon phase. Your feelings for each other are intense, and you can’t imagine life without each other. This is due to hormones such as dopamine, which makes you feel addicted to him (like a drug)  and rewards you when you interact. Adrenaline makes your heart pump, your blood race and dulls your senses in the presence of this person.

You See Things with Rose-colored Glasses

Because you’re happy and in love, you see things with what people call “rose-colored glasses.” This means your view is skewed. You see your relationship through your honeymoon phase point of view, which isn’t exactly objective.

When you see things with rose-colored glasses, you might not recognize any faults in your guy. You think your guy is perfect. Or if you do recognize any faults, you think they are minor at worst. Seeing your guy this way has benefits. It allows you to fall in love by concentrating on the good qualities of someone.

If you were hyper critical during this time, you’d never reach the stage of falling in love, which is necessary to get to the next stage, which is deep, lasting love.

You Overlook His Faults and Emphasize His Strengths

When you overlook faults in your partner, it gives you a chance to fall in love. By being negative and seeing only faults, you probably will never get in the honeymoon phase in the first place. By overlooking his faults, you are seeing what his strengths are. Once you see his strengths, you can be supportive and help him achieve his goals.

And this works both ways. He will likely overlook your faults and focus on your strengths when he’s in the honeymoon period. This is how couples can be better people when they are together, by supporting each other.

The Pros

1. Oxytocin Makes You Feel Good

When you feel good about and trust your partner, your body produces oxytocin, which makes you feel even better. You feel so good from the hormone oxytocin, also called “the love drug,” that you build a bond and want to procreate. Your body also produces oxytocin during lovemaking, which is part of the reason you feel so good after having an orgasm.

Oxytocin also helps you bond and fosters intimacy [4]. Learn more.

2. Family and Friends Support a New Relationship

When you first announce to your friends and family that you’re in love, everyone wants to be happy for you. They want to meet him. Everyone’s on their best behavior (or at least should be), and this reinforces your love for your guy. You’re living in a bubble of being in love and having everyone around you being happy and supportive.

3. You Might Give Big Gifts and Celebrate Each Other

The honeymoon phase is characterized by celebrating each other: the anniversary of your first date, the first place you kissed, the first time you told each other you were in love, etc. Sometimes you commemorate these occasions by giving gifts. If you stay together and the years go on, couples typically stop all this celebrating and keep it to one special anniversary celebration per year.

The Cons

1. You Might Overlook Red Flags

The honeymoon period can be great. But be careful. You might be so much in love that you fail to see the red flags that everyone else sees. You might think it’s great now that your guy wants nothing more than to lie around in bed with you for hours on end on a weekday, but this could really mean that he has no job. Or if he does, he has a low work ethic.

The problem with overlooking red flags or seeing someone with rose-colored glasses is that when the honeymoon phase ends—and it always ends—you see him for who he is. At this point, you might split up. But you also might be so invested in him by now that you think you can change him. This rarely works out.

Now that you see your guy for who he really is, you need to evaluate the relationship to see whether this is someone you can live with as he is or whether it would be better to leave.

2. Just Because You Don’t Argue Doesn’t Mean the Relationship Is Healthy

Of course, it’s not good if you argue all the time with your significant other. But it isn’t necessarily good if you never argue either. You might think that you and your guy agree on everything and live in perfect harmony with each other while you’re in the honeymoon period. But no one can agree with someone about everything all the time.

There are reasons couples never argue. Here are some of them:

  • They’re not connected with each other and aren’t invested enough in the relationship to argue.

  • They aren’t going deep in the relationship by sharing thoughts and feelings.

  • They’re holding back their real thoughts and feelings just for the sake of maintaining peace.

  • They don’t feel safe in the relationship.

  • They don’t think the relationship is strong enough to withstand any conflict.
But there are healthy and unhealthy ways of arguing (avoid these unhealthy relationship habits). Couples who occasionally argue in a healthy manner listen to one another, respect each other’s point of view, and can move on when it’s over—sometimes through compromise or by agreeing to disagree.

3. You Might Ignore Friends and Family

When you’re in the honeymoon stage, you’re selfish. You and your guy want to be around only each other. This is great for the two of you, but you’re probably neglecting other important people in your lives. Your friends and family will probably cut you some slack, but if you’ve made commitments with them, it isn’t cool to ignore them or blow people off just because you’re in love.

4. You Probably Haven’t Gone Through Stress Together

When you’re dating, you’re having fun. It’s usually easy to get along with people when you’re doing something fun. The real test is to see how your guy reacts when something stressful happens. Is he there for you the same way he is when times are good?

You might never know while you’re in the honeymoon phase. But seeing if he’s someone you can lean on when times are tough is important to a lasting relationship. If you can’t count on your guy to help you through tough times, the relationship might not last.

5. You Might Focus on Physical Over Emotional Foundation

To be intimate with someone means being both physically and emotionally close. But when you’re in the honeymoon period, you might tend to focus only on the physical. It’s great to be physical, but you also need to foster emotional closeness to have a satisfying and lasting relationship. If your intimacy needs are not met, the relationship will not be fulfilling for either of you. You need to learn to communicate with each other, to open up and share your feelings, and to develop a mutual trust, respect, and love for each other—a relationship deeper than just jumping each other’s bones.

6. It’s Easy to Confuse Infatuation with Real Feelings

When you’re in the honeymoon phase, it’s hard to know when you’re just infatuated or whether you have real feelings of love. When you’re infatuated, you’re in that joyful honeymoon period. Everything is pure bliss. You think about him all the time, and you can’t wait to be with him. Everything is new and exciting. And there are still lots of unknowns.

But when infatuation turns to real love, you both are now partners in life. You can count on him. You can trust him. You have a deep level of understanding about each other. You celebrate each other and want the best for one another. You accept each other and understand that you can both grow and change and still be there for each other.

When It’s Over

The Honeymoon Phase Eventually Ends

You’ve probably heard the expression, “All good things must come to an end.” And this is true for the honeymoon phase. But the end isn’t a bad thing if you progress into having a real connection.

Ask these questions if you want a closer connection with your man.

You will probably need to make an effort when the honeymoon period ends to have sex and fun. But with this effort grows a commitment to each other. A lack of commitment, however, is one of the top reasons for divorce. More about this.

The honeymoon phase definitely exists for some men and women, but it doesn’t affect every couple  But just because this phase of your relationship ends, if you stick with the relationship, a new phase begins. Sex is an important part of a relationship but is more important during certain stages and ages. Sex may wane in a long relationship, and you can put in the effort to have more of it, but there’s no right amount of sex to have. You might be having less sex, but you might also find that your love is a deeper one later than it was in the honeymoon period.

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